Queer Ramapo

James Kara Murat asked:


How do you keep a blonde in suspense? Anyway, there is a whole bunch of ways to find good jokes for just about any occasion. It is really just a question of who your audience is going to be. Canon printer geeks go to conventions, politicians go to their lobbyist. Get it? Politicians/ lobbyists… well there’s no accounting for taste. So, head for the people that you want to make fun of. Most people have a pretty good sense of humor and are ready to laugh at themselves.

What are 10,000 lawyers buried up to their heads in sand? Not enough sand. Of course books are always a good place to look. But really, finding a good joke is about being in the right place at the right time. The best jokes really just sort of happen. Not all of us are Robin Williams’s types that can write the stuff.

The real trick to finding a good joke is finding the right place and audience to tell the joke. A joke intended for somebody facing 10 years in prison is not the joke to be telling a Rabbi on the mount. Oh, did you hear about the Priest the Monk and the Rabbi who went into a bar? This is for Blonde …ah…readers that are still thinking about the first eight words at the start of this article. Oh, and that is all of the fingers on your right hand and all but the pinky and wedding ring finger on the left hand.

So, where were we? Audience, the type of people you are around will dictate the type of joke you get. A men’s locker room will get one type of joke while a bridal shower will get another type of joke. What did Jesus say to the little short guy after he banked his golf ball off of a tree, two bids and a squirrel for a hole in one? Nice shot Dad.

Poking fun also works well if a little competition is going on. If there is a wide perception about a group of people, regardless of how big that group happens to be, there are likely going to be jokes floating around about that group. Competing schools for instance; what happened when Joe, the football player, transferred from UCLA to USC? The GPA for both schools went up. And now, to complete the running *** for blondes, the answer to; how do you keep blondes in suspense is.

Rahul Roy asked:


Not only human are the main characters of jokes to ***** laughter. Even animal behaves as the funniest part of the joke. As to say the fact, more than other jokes people like to enjoy the animal jokes.

It is such kind of jokes in with animals is fully responsible to create a laugh. Those non-verbal creatures are featured with some of their stupid and funny act.

Different animals are characterized like Dog, cat, frog etc. They really make a funny part of the joke.

Have you heard any funniest animal jokes recently? You must have heard a lot because the craze for the animal jokes is increasing now days.

Even I myself prefer funny animal jokes rather than other funny jokes. They are mostly clean jokes and are very suitable to share in any place we like.

Mostly children are fond of it. They just want to listen and enjoy the stupid act of animals performed to make them laugh. It is even easy for them to understand the joke.

If you have not listen any funny animal jokes lately… Let me share some of the funniest jokes:

A frog telephoned the psychic hot line and was told, “You are going to meet a beautiful young woman who will want to know everything about you.”

The frog said, “That’s great! Will I meet her at a party, or what?”

“No,” said the psychic, “Next term…in her biology class.”

———————–

An ant and an elephant share a night of romance. The next morning the ant wakes up and the elephant is dead.

"Shit!" says the ant. "One night of passion and I will spend the rest of my life digging a grave!"

———————–

Those above jokes are just examples of funny animal jokes. You can find many more funny jokes on web. Humor has just become a part of our life. Always enjoy the moment you get in life.

Chris Tait asked:


You’re working on your best man speech for your best buddy Paul.  The two of you know each other so well that you practically speak in code.  You both know that when Paul says “Baby, I’m not from Havana” he means that he may be a macho hedge fund manager, but even he has his limits.   And when you tell him “shut up you Teutonic Twit”, it’s not an insult about his German heritage, but a term of endearment.  But the only people who know what you’re talking about are people like you and Paul who have seen Blazing Saddles 100 times.

Inside jokes (or lines, stories, expressions) can be a great way to bring to life something personal about the groom and to show people the special relationship you share — and showing is always better than telling. But using an inside joke can also be tricky – you have to figure out how to have a good laugh with your buddy while not excluding, confusing, or even worse, insulting the other guests.

Here are a few tips on how to make the most of inside jokes in your best man speech.

Start off by making a list of all the inside stories and jokes you share.  Are any of them a good way to poke fun at the groom?  Do they offer some insight about his romantic side?  Do they reflect a character trait that relates to his professional accomplishments?  Can one be used to set up some advice for the bride and groom?

Then think about how to deliver the joke for maximum impact.  You might break it down by these three sections:

First, toss in a reference to the inside joke while looking directly at the groom. Watch your buddy ***** up hysterically and see the look of panic as he ponders what other secrets you might be poised to tell.  Be sure to give it enough time to savor the moment and make him sweat a bit.

Next bring everyone else in on the joke.  Tell them what the joke’s about (sanitizing when necessary), how it got started and maybe even share a story about when your little inside joke turned out to be really, really embarrassing (like when you called Paul a “Teutonic Twit” within earshot of the head of the company’s German office).

Finally, relate your joke to a larger theme about the groom and your friendship.  So, for example, when Paul says “Baby, I’m not from Havana” relate it back to the fact that underneath Paul’s macho exterior he really is very humble.

For help capturing the special relationship you have with the groom in your best man speech, visit www.TheBestManSpeech.com/usabestman, the world’s largest collection of best man speech material.  The site’s interactive speech builder will enable you to create a killer one-of-a-kind speech.  You can combine your personal stories with your selections from the site’s thousands of short-form content options that fit every imaginable style and situation. The result will be a memorable speech that’s polished, but all your own.

nlwest21 asked:


Not many categories of jokes have a history or background. We don’t know who started them or why they were started. Or we do - but they are very basic. For example we have blonde jokes to make fun of women with blonde hair because we feel that many of them are or act like they don’t know anything. We make fun of lawyers because well…that’s a story we won’t get into right now.

 

Surprisingly enough when it comes to yo mama jokes they come with a very interesting background. Yo mama jokes are also referred to as ‘the dozens’ and is an tradition among African Americans in which two people (that are usually guys) will compete against each other in trash talking. This trash talking is all in good fun and in the middle of it are their mothers.

 

The two competitors will go back and forth and try to come up with the best comeback jokes against the other person’s mother until someone gives up in defeat. Playing the dozens using yo mama jokes is played to see who is has the better mental toughness and mental agility. Each joke that is used makes it that much more difficult for the other to respond with a comeback.

 

If you listen closely to these jokes and when two are competing against each other you will notice a hint of elements that are often used to create many hip hop songs called ‘battling’.

 



 



 

Usually yo mama jokes are used to poke fun at others and no one takes it personal. However, there are times when people do it to be personal. When this happens people start to become very angry and in most cases it will end with some type of violent act. But in its best form the dozens is just purely verbal sparring.

 

Yo mama jokes are just one example of the dozens game. They are very cryptic, short, and in most cases downright hilarious. Other times the fathers, sisters, brothers, or even wives will be the object of attention.

nlwest21 asked:


Joseph Addison declared “One should take good care not to grow too wise for so great a pleasure of life as laughter.” Do you know a lot of your coworkers in your office might think there to old or wise to take a moment to laugh while there at work. This doesn’t sound like good office behavior but we can fix it with good clean jokes that you can use without breaking any office rules.

If many of you were asked “What is a joke?” Would you be able to directly answer the question? Most of us would probably answer this question with a joke. Seems like a joke isn’t quite something you just hear but experience instead - the experience in most cases called laughter. Now some of you are thinking that every time you heard a joke you didn’t always experience laughter. This maybe because the jokes was crude or not crude enough depending on what your preference is. If your like me most crude jokes are offending whether I laugh or not. But not to worry there are many resources out there for less crude jokes referred to as clean jokes as opposed to the opposite called dirty jokes.

Now we can also take a look at humor. What is humor you ask? Humor is an emotion you feel maybe when there is something funny happen or even when see some thing happen and laugh at it even if its not funny. This is called finding the humor. Just like jokes different types of humor can be clean or dirty.

Why do we categorize them clean and dirty? Well the are lots of reasons but the most obvious reason is clean jokes normally fall into the G to GP rating area that are safe for a young audience. Why do we need clean jokes? Clean jokes are important because everybody needs a laugh sometimes. In some places such as work or family oriented gatherings dirty jokes are viewed as inappropriate.

The great thing about finding good clean jokes is that you can share them with other people without the fear of offending them in any way. In fact you may just be able to put a smile on each of their faces. The next time you find a great clean joke pin it up in your office or e-mail to all of your friends and family.

 

Joel Owens asked:


No matter how funny, cruel or lame they may be, no one can joke about the effects of political jokes on the popularity of US presidential candidates. With political humor and spoofs sprawled all over late night shows and the joke-opedia on the net, Barrack Obama, McCain, and their respective running-mates are saving some considerable campaign finances. Just like the old cliché, “bad publicity is still publicity”.

Famous for Being Joked About

McCain’s republican running-mate, Sarah Palin, has become a household name all over the world after the much-hyped about SNL spoof. Then there’s the Leno joke (actually, everyone has joked about this) of her being clueless on the first thing about foreign policies quoting “Up til now, most of her knowledge about foreign countries came from watching the ‘Amazing Race.’ … She met with the presidents of Afghanistan, Colombia and Iraq. She was excited because these are all countries you can’t see from Alaska.”

Ironically, she has gained more popularity all throughout America out of these jokes than out of being the governor of Alaska.

Barrack Obama is never new to Popville. He has been popular since his senatorial years and now, being the very first black presidential candidate. To say that he has been the hot topic of all these late night shows and even the male muse of political joke sites on the web is even an understatement. His fame has been all the rage this political joke season. “Barack Obama, you know has a lot of supporters here in America, but he’s very popular internationally. It’s quite interesting. This is a true story. It was in the paper. Barack Obama is so popular in the African town where his father was born, they’ve named a beer after him,” mused Conan O’Brien.

McCain, often targeted for his age, has benefited considerably because of the jokes thrown at and about him like arguments in a presidential debate. “No, no, he said he’d like to postpone the presidential debate until he’s, you know, ahead in the polls,” said Leno in his show.

The “Have-Beens” Being “In” Because of Jokes

Although already a former president, political jokes have never left Clinton ever since the Lewinsky scandal he has involved himself in. Now that his wife is also a strong name in the political rat-race, both of them have the **** of all late night jokes. Their relationship and political ventures have been intertwined in the jokes buzzing the internet. Conan O’Brien even joked, “This weekend, Bill Clinton said Hillary should not drop out of the presidential race. Yeah, when asked why, Bill said, ‘because then she’d come home’.”

Who Says Election Should Be so Serious?

November 4 is Election Day. That day begins the end. Anything can happened between then and now—economies failing, running-mates getting themselves into more trouble, and the Congress being clueless as to what to do with the Wall Street issue. On the other hand, if you want to stay positive about these topsy-turvy election adventures and laugh in the process, don’t fret. More political jokes are being baked in the oven.

Nazir Hussain asked:


Stonehenge funny jokes competition is an annual event which is held every year on the first weekend in the month of March. It is a very popular event attended by people from all over the world and across all walks & spheres of life.

This year there were a record number of people in attendance: up by 30% over last year. Nearly 100,000 people travelling to Stonehenge serves as a proof in itself that the event is in big demand. People were, setting up their camps, organising their humorous stalls; selling literature on jokes, comedy, and even offering crash courses to would be comedians over the weekend.

According to 2006 program, there was one West Country Comedy school offering its services to help you realise your ambitions to become a real comedian. We took advantage of this offer and sent along James Mcdugal: our humorous/comedy correspondence. He was put through a very intensive training program for eight hours on Friday. He was given instructions on style, delivery, posture, use of body language, voice and gestures to enhance his message. He spent the following morning actually putting into practice what he had learnt the previous day in preparation for an entry into Stonehenge one liner competition held on the Saturday evening. He was scheduled to deliver his stomach crusher one liners at 9.00pm. Below is a list of James on liners. James had the audience in stitches… He generated the greatest amount of laughter because he fell flat on his fact as he walked onto the stage… He broke the ice well… after that it was piece of cake for him… What happens when fish crosses an elephant? A swimming trunk. Why didn’t the skeleton go to the disco? Because he had no body to go with. Why did the girl take crayons to her bed? To draw the curtains. What did the mother phone say to the baby phone? You are too small to get engaged. Why did the girl wear the ring on the wrong finger? To show people she was married to the wrong man. Why did the elephant eat the candle? Because he wanted a light snack. Have you heard the joke about butter? Don’t spread it. What do prisoners use to call each other? Cell phones. Why do seagulls fly over the sea? If they flew over the bay they would be baygulls. What did the ground say to the earth quake? You ***** me up.. Why did the boy study in the aeroplane? Because he wanted higher education. What is the best time to go the bed? When the bed won’t come to you. Why did the lobster blush? Because he saw the seaweed. Why did the toilet paper go down the hill? To get to the bottom.. Dad, son school joke…The dad said to his boy… How do you like going to school? The going bit is fine, the coming back bit is fine.. but I am not so keen on the bit in the middle.

There were 20 entrants in total and each comedian had 5 minutes to make their audience laugh. The deciding factor amongst other things was the roar of the laughter. This one factor was the clincer.. this alone determined the overall winner of the Stonehenge “Joker of the Year 2006″ … After the presentation which lasted for about an two hours.. The judges made their decision and came back to announce it at 11pm.

Jo Gormely the president of the Stonehenge “Jokers” plc said.. Ladies and gentlemen.. welcome to the Stonehenge… Here are the results of tonight’s competition in reverse order…

Third place goes to “Tim Cutler”.. from Australia. Tim was presented with a brass trophy as well as a £1,000 winning prize.

Second place goes to “Barker Wood”… from USA. Barker was presented a silver trophy and £5,000 in prize money.

The overall winner of the “Stonehenge Jokers 2006″ competition is.. James Mcdugal. There was champagne .. there was a Gold trophy and £20,000 in prize money. Congratulations.. James … Shouted the entire crowd because his presentation was out of this world…

James success meant… Greener pastures.. He secured a good contract with CBCN and has since moved on. We will not be taking part in any future competitions for fear of losing good staff to the Americans.. said our MD Bob Dogooder in an internal memo.

Dr. Sander I. Marcus asked:


I’m a psychologist, not a professional comedy writer (After all, how funny is this first sentence?). But when, about 20 years ago, I took up to an hour each day (and I mean, for 365 days) just to write jokes, gags, and one-liners for cartoonists, comedians, and speakers, I thought I was clever enough to make it a life-long habit.

It was fun, I learned a lot, and I even sold a few jokes. However, by the end of the year my ability to keep cranking them out disappeared and I burnt out.

The experience taught me 3 things: First, I’m not cut out to be a full-time comedy writer. Second, I developed a strong appreciation of the professional comedy writers who can do this day after day, year after year. And third, I did learn how to put together a one-liner. I have used this knowledge ever since in speeches, meetings, other writing projects, and social conversation.

I have come to the conclusion that it ain’t rocket science. If I can do it, you can do it (provided that you have a good sense of humor, a facility for word-play, and nothing better to do).

Before I give you my magic formula, I should tell you that formulas don’t work. A great one-liner, like any work of art, has its own unique inspiration, follows its own unique rules, and surprises us in its own wonderful way. Also, the jokes I will use as examples are original (not particularly funny, but certainly original). That’s because I don’t want to get sued, especially by some comedian who claims I was stealing his or her jokes.

So here are 5 rules for creating a one-liner:

RULE 1: Choose 2 topics-1) the content of the joke, and 2) the surprise topic. For example, let’s say you’ve been putting in a lot of overtime at the office. Now, just for the sake of making this a good mental exercise, let’s also say that you combine this topic with the fact that you have a dog. Here is one possibility of combining them: “I’ve been putting in so much overtime, that I came home to an empty house last night. I found a note. It said, ‘I can’t take it any more. I’ve gone for a long walk in the park to think over our relationship.’ It was from my dog.”

Ok, so it’s not that funny. That brings us to…

RULE 2: Look for opposites, especially ridiculous and impossible opposites. Many, many great jokes rely on opposite meanings. A few years ago at a Rotary meeting in which I ended the year of my presidency, I wanted to say a few things before turning the club over to my successor. I began by saying, “Before I formally hand over the reins of powerlessness, …” It got a nice laugh.

RULE 3: Build up the joke in a certain direction, so that the listener is locked into one assumption, and then spring the joke on them. For example, talk as if it is something important, and end with something trivial: “I should like to introduce my business partner, my mentor, my best friend, and a man to whom I owe five bucks, …”

RULE 4: Put the key word or phrase, the one that changes the meaning, at the very end of the one-liner. You’ll notice that the very last words in the previous three jokes ARE the joke (dog, powerlessness, five bucks). Imagine a cocktail party. Everyone has a drink in his or her hands, except for one guy. His wife turns to him and says, “You know, George, you really SHOULD have something to drink–otherwise people will think you’re an alcoholic.” This is a lot funnier than, “You don’t want people to think you’re an alcoholic, do you? You’d better drink something.” This second line isn’t as funny because the second topic (alcoholism) is introduced before the end. It blunts the surprise and therefore the comic shock at the end.

RULE 5: Get rid of every unnecessary word and idea. Nothing ruins a one-liner more than even one extra word. My wife, Christine, is a Paramedic with the Chicago Fire Department (She was my hero long before September 11th). She works a 24-hour shift. Over the years I’ve developed a stock response to people who ask me if I’m worried about my wife being in the firehouse all night with all of those men: “Gee, you’re right. I’d better call and warn those guys.” Is there one unnecessary word in that response? I don’t think so.

So there it is. Follow these rules, and you can create a one-liner. Will it rise to the level of a Henny Youngman, a Jay Leno, an Ellen DeGeneres, a Bob Hope, a Richard Pryor, or a George Carlin? Probably not, but it’s fun, it’s creative, it’s a good mental exercise, and–who knows?–you may discover that you have a talent for it.

Oh, and one word of caution. If while you are following these rules you think of something truly funny, forget the rules. Go for what’s funny.